What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 00:32
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
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We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But it wasn’t much.
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She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
What would happen if Donald Trump forces Ukraine to a truce with Russia?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was 9 years of age.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We all went to grammer schools
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot live in the past .
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
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5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
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Where the ultimate outsiders.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
How do I maintain and care for granite countertops in a coastal climate like Pompano Beach?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She wouldn,t have been !
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
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So whats the point in blame.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I write beautiful poetry .
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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
When she asked me how she looked .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Comes on , in middle age.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Was to survive, this bastard.
Who then, do I blame.?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was scared of men, in general
She married twice! .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Especially a lifetime of it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My life is so biszare .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I waited trembling.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We were not on the streets..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Would this be the day?
I don,t even have a pension.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
What did i know ?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
(And it was in our own minds.)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Ive learnt so much.
She loved him until the end.
I was seconnd youngest,
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Put me off passion for life!!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im still living with it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
All the time i was locked up.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I will be 64.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I could never make a relationship work though!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I said to her
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But, we were locked up after school.
And i lived it daily.
I never cut or harmed myself..
My family never makes their pension either.
He knew the spot.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She was in good health!
I have no regrets .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was very sick at this time too.
I think the readers, may guess!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.